I Have A Secret

So, you’re going to be a dad and you have a secret that only one other person knows.  It’s really an exciting secret, one that you want to tell the world, but when is the right time? 

Let me start off by saying there is no right answer to this question.  Whether you post it on Facebook the day you find out, or whether you wait until the hot topic of the gossip mill is whether your wife is pregnant, or just needs to join a support group to help her with her depressive crying fits and over eating.  It’s all up to you and how you want to share your big news.  What I can do is give you a few tips or things to remember when deciding the when and how. 

1. Keep in mind the statistics. 

Not to be Captain Kill Joy, but you need to know the facts.  Statistically, 20% of all pregnancies will end with miscarriage.  Now you may be saying, 1 in 5 pregnancies seems kind of high.  Remember that a miscarriage is a very difficult and personal time in a couple's life.  Most likely it wouldn't be brought up or announced by most people.

Also, of that 20% of miscarriages, about 80% of them occur in the first trimester of the pregnancy before the woman would normally start to show.

Now I don't tell you this to try and scare you or to curb your excitement. It’s just something to think about and maybe prevent you both some added heartache if your wife does have a miscarriage. 

One couple found out they were pregnant shortly before the holidays. As a fun way of announcing their good news, they printed up there Christmas cards to say "and baby."  Sadly, not long after the cards were mailed out, she lost the baby.  That Christmas turned out to be one of the most difficult for the couple because not only were they dealing with the loss of their baby, but every holiday get-together brought waves of congratulations and well wishers each of whom the couple had to tell that they were no longer pregnant. 

2. A secret never stays a secret.

When you do start telling people, just be prepared for the secret to leak.  No matter who it is, no matter how much you make them promise not to tell anyone else, the news will still spread.  Sometimes it’s an intentional break; the classic ‘I only told Jenny and she promised she wouldn't tell anyone else.’  Other times it’s an accidental slip; ‘And my daughter just found out she expecting her first ... oh wait.’  Either way your secret is still out and it will spread.

My wife and I had picked a time frame when we were going to start sharing our news and we had picked a few close friends and family that we wanted to tell in person before posting it was “Facebook official”.  Well, one close family member's birthday was coming up and it was decided that one of the gifts would be the news about her being a grandma.  This was still several weeks before we had planned to start telling people, but it was her birthday and we thought it would be special. 

Well when she found out, she was very excited and after the congratulations, we stressed to her it wasn't public knowledge yet and to just keep it under her hat for the time being.  She said she understood and that was that.

A little over a week later, my brother came to me and asked the question if we were expecting?  It turns out that the person who had had their birthday had bumped into an old friend who she hadn't seen in a long time.  The news was shared with this long lost person, who happen to have a daughter of her own.  That daughter just happened to be dating a guy who just happened to be a good friend of my brother.  So I was forced to make the awkward confession that we were expecting a baby and reassuring my brother that we had intended to tell him ourselves when the baby was a little farther along.

My brother said he understood, but I could still tell he was hurt. 

The next few days were a mad dash to meet with friends and family to tell them in person our new before the rumors made it around.

Moral of the story, when you start telling people, do it quickly before someone else does.

3. Make it special

This last tip is totally up to you, but make sure to take a little time to give it some thought.  The news that you are having your first child is not only exciting for you, but also for those around you that love and care for you.  Those people are going to be excited for you no matter what, but the way you tell them can add to the excitement and enjoyment for not only the people you are telling , but for you as well.  It can be as simple or elaborate as you choose.  It can be as simple as wrapping up a present with a picture or note to something as complicated as writing a song that you sing and post on YouTube.  If you are at a loss for ideas, try looking at Pinterest or YouTube.  Just remember you will only get to tell the world that you are having your first child once.

However and whenever you decide to share your news will be perfect, because it will be what you've decided to do.  These are just a few things to think about when making that decision.

Well, I’m going to stop before I get accused of breaking promise #2.  Until next week.